I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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