I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
