i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
