its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
