Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
