wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
operation harelip BJ is a go
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
