i think my tv is drunk
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
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