i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
As shirtless as possible
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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