what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
