ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
meet me or not, i'm out of control
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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