Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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