I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
