Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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