you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
