He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
