True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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