i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
