Its about making memories worth repressing
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
