pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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