He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
That accounts for only three of the penises
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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