Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
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