So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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