Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
