Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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