also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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