for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize