Where is the hickey?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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