Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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