At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
