Her vagina should come with caution tape.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
