meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
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I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize