I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
