Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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