yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
