We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
