i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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