I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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