apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
