we have pet lesbian snakes
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
3pm strippers are depressing
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
