i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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