its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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