508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
