No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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