how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
