just tell him i said nine months
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
