you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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