i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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