i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
