You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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