he referred to my room as the tit cave...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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