The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
