paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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