Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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