My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
