I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
