I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
