these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
