some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
