Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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