I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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