he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
