This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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