I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
