Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
