How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
