In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize