i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize