I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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