There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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