You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
