those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
