two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
