3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
