btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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