Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
