you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize