i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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