I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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