the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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